Do you ever feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom?
Maybe you have taken a leap of faith and the wings you had hoped would appear on the way down never developed.
You follow a calling, listened to a burning passion, and hoped the results would be stunning. You bet on Plan A working, but it didn’t. The results are less than miraculous.
The hardest part of being in this state of defeat is not the public humiliation or the blood, sweat, energy and tears you fed the calling. Rather, the hardest part of feeling defeated is the difficulty associated with dreaming again. In order to dream again, really dream—bigger than big dreams, you must believe in yourself—believe in your ability to make dreams a reality. There is no easy way to regain your self-confidence.
However, there are steps you can take to rebuild your self confidence. The goal is to avoid becoming your worst enemy—criticizing yourself at every time. It’s okay to feel defeated, but it is not okay to BE defeated.
Easy Does It
All in one minute, everything that was going good snowballed into a huge pile of panic. It’s all falling apart—on your head. You feel beaten. First, breathe in, breathe out, and then slow down. Do. Not. Panic.
Start by making a list of what’s actually wrong. Once you are able to group most of the issues into one or two larger, all-encompassing problems, you will find out that it really isn’t that bad. Having a finite list of problems is much better than having an illogical feeling that everything is wrong.
Tap into Your Extraordinary Powers
One minute, you are thinking to yourself, everybody is out there making impact, getting rich, becoming famous, getting married, and all of those—but not you. Imagine what a 5-year old you will think of the older you now; what you have become. He/She would probably think you are amazing, beautiful, and you have come a long way. Wait, you still have a destination! He/she would believe in you. Right now, you need to have the same enthusiasm the 5-year old you would have, that’s what will help you get through a defeat.
Channel Your Inner Energy
You have to stop seeing failure as a bad thing. You spent 6 months reading for a professional exam and in the end, your result was nothing to show forth. In other words, you failed. Deal with it. Take your time to think about the process you applied to making things happen, why it turned out the way you least expected: address your mistakes— that will help kick start future successes. Consequently, you will become more receptive to taking the sort of risks that are often the stepping stones to creative breakthroughs. The great thing about bouncing back from a so-called flameout is that the bouncing-back part works for every situation in life.
Glory in the Best (Worst) Situation
Allow yourself to experience a mental shift, where you are able to view failure as a key to success. That is the first step to fixing a situation you have absolutely no control over.
Usually, when people are asked what has been the best thing that ever happened to them, the expected answers would be; meeting a special someone, getting married, the birth of a child, getting a dream job. You would be shocked to find out that what really happens to be their best moment is in total contrast with what you imagined— the kind of responses that we fear the most include; getting separated, getting fired, dropping out of school, etc.
You ask a ‘Steve Harris’ this same question and you will be amazed at his response.
Moments of crisis or defeat can be transformative. In fact, as at the time of the hardship, we usually would not have been able to predict that these catastrophic moments would turn out to change our lives. My advice? Glory in your worst moments too!
Find a Hobby
The moment you start asking yourself these questions; do I have a purpose in life? What is the point of it all, really?
Pause. Wait. Put down that phone and do something tangible with your hands. At the end of two hours, you have a tangible result from your time. It could appear that you have distracted yourself by knitting or cooking or playing music, but you have created something. Get a hobby…something you are totally into, or something that can be unequivocally enjoyed. Finding a hobby can help get your mind off bothering issues and unconsciously shifts it to something that makes you happy.
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. Beautiful people do not just happen. –Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
Photo Credit: womenaware.net