STOP SELF HATE…START LOVING ALL YOU WERE MADE TO BE!

This particular saying may be an overused cliché, but remains an irrevocable truth for all times…’’you are as beautiful as you think you are’’. Many of us have a never ending issue with some parts of our bodies. There’s just this part we hate so much about ourselves, we can’t just seem to be able …

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This particular saying may be an overused cliché, but remains an irrevocable truth for all times…’’you are as beautiful as you think you are’’.

Many of us have a never ending issue with some parts of our bodies. There’s just this part we hate so much about ourselves, we can’t just seem to be able to come to terms with that ‘imperfect’ part of us.

For some, their insecurity lies in the way they walk, look, talk…. Some despise themselves for being too tall, too short, too fat or too thin or even too ‘dark’ or ‘black’ in completion. Some guys even hate that they were created a male, and some girls that they were made females! Can you swallow that?

As time goes by, because of our seemingly unsatisfactory looks, some of us begin to lose our confidence; our identities begin to ebb away slowly. We compare ourselves to others, and wish that by some magic, we could be like them or Cinderella perfect!

More so, people hurt us with words, make fun of our weaknesses, and what do we do? We embrace these hurts like a ‘martyr’. We ruminate over those hurtful words, we believe them and allow them to control our lives, and we become sad, withdrawn, insecure and anxious. Instead of standing our ground and insisting on our virtues, we chicken out and accept defeat, and give in to the self-pity syndrome.

I remembered as a child, l was always so conscious of my looks, and queen among the many issues l had with my looks was that l was an extremely skinny child, so skinny that hardly does any dress fit me. I would always look at other chubby girls in my class with envy, thinking ‘’If only l; could just add some flesh, how pretty will l be’’. It was an identity battle within me that went on for years, l hardly told anyone, but l battled with it inwardly for the best part of my early years, l just couldn’t believe any skinny girl like me could be pretty- hell, no way! My unrelenting prayers request for many years, remained ‘’God please, let me be fat, l want to be fat…..’’

I was frequently taunted for being too skinny ‘like a broom’ and at age 13 or so, l was ready to take a local concortion, generally believed to make one add weight- it was called ‘Mawu mawu’’ in Yoruba, loosely translated to ‘’Swell Up, Swell Up’’..lol. Can you just imagine? Thankfully, l ended up not taking the concoction (beep me for details on what changed my mind). Now, fast forward to about ten years later, l found myself begging God not to review that prayer request- and in place of the old was a new prayer request of, “God please, I don’t want to be fat”…lol. Can you imagine a myopic me!

But let’s be candid, the plain truth is, we cannot always have control over what people say about us- people always talk and people would always talk! We must also realize that some people would only have bad things to say about others, after all, a true saying tells us that, everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

You won’t believe how it’s fast becoming an incredibly pathetic trend now, when we hear that a person gets to end his/her life, because he/she was abused or bullied, how many times have we heard that someone committed suicide due to cyber bullying? We may not have control over what people say about us, but surely, we have control over how we respond. Don’t dwell on hateful words, let’s learn to shrug it off, like water on Chicken feather, and move on.

But let’s wait a minute; do we think about how sweet it sometimes feel to play the victim. It’s okay being the critic, noting with every movement, other peoples faults, it’s easy to see and point out other peoples ”bad”, but of course, we want to be spared.

Anyone who desires beauty accolades must remember that, the sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in others. Indeed, if you call someone ugly, do you think you are pretty? Let’s be considerate, people are going through issues of insecurity in their bodies and already battling with accepting themselves as they are, don’t lets add to it by stating it without consideration. If you can’t help someone’s situation do not taunt them over it or add to it. Imagine reminding a blind man that he is blind- of course, he knows, darkness reminds him always, that’s more than enough for him to deal with, kindly deal with your own issue-we all have our issues. We must always remember that, yes, beauty and ugliness surround us all, but we choose what we see.

And while we are advocating against bullying or others saying ill of us, we must try our damnest to bring out the best in us. Work on yourself. Lead a healthy life.

Do you desire a particular body shape? Work towards it as much as you can. Shout out to junk lovers (chocolates, cakes, cookies, burger, and the likes who still want to stay slim), we’ve got to cut down on our sweet tooth.

Let’s develop a healthy lifestyle: Consume what is good for your body, dress to fit and enhance your good features, go ahead and further develop yourself if need be, get a training, a vocation, a skill, learn a new game, go on holidays, make new friends, feel good about yourself. Be confident in your skin, put on a bold smile always, you would be surprised at the wonders it performs. The truth is, the most beautiful face, is the face that smiles.

Blessington says, “There’s no cosmetic to beauty like happiness”. The bottom line is, love the you, you were made to be. It’s no fault of yours that you had an accident and you now limp on you left leg. That you stammer when you talk doesn’t make you an idiot. That scar, does not tag you an alien. Be confident, that white hair on your head represents wisdom, life and grace, it doesn’t term you aged, or condemned to the museum, don’t be ashamed of it, rock it. That you are fat doesn’t make you ugly, nor does being black make you dirty (shout out to our dear Lupita Nyong’o). You need to stop hating yourself for being short; you were made like this because you are you!

Let me leave you with this poem, as food for thought;

Your skin isn’t paper, don’t cut it,

Your face isn’t a mask, don’t curve it,

Your size isn’t a book, don’t judge it,

Your life isn’t a film, don’t end it,

        YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL……

On this note, I rest my case dear beautiful people.

Thanks for reading. Keep being yourself, keep being BeautiYou…

By :Tolulope D. Ajayi

Photo Credits: Rosa Nera, Leonie Radway, Pinit.com


 

About Tolulope Ajayi

Tolu might not think of herself as a fashionista, but from her childhood, she’d always loved being creative, and learning to do things on her own, with her hands, most of which fortunately, coincidentally, now have become fashion – she sews, makes hair, makes customized jewelries, shoes,  bags,  beads, and bakes (well, that may not be part of fashion…lol).

She loves with passion, her career as an Advertising and Marketing Communications Practitioner. Tolu enjoys reading, writing, movies and music. Her favorite fabrics of all times are the Ankara and Chiffon, neckpieces happen to be her most loved fashion accessory.

Tolu’s personal style guideline is what she calls Style C3- Creative, Comfortable and Classy.

This  article is the property of mytrinity magazine and should not be copied or reproduced without the consent of the editor as its copy right protected.

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